美国人以前也对孩子惩罚和打骂的，找一些中年保守的人士调查一下，他们的父母也严格，也打骂。亚洲文化在这方面的文明差一步而已。换言之，是爱的表现形式的不同。西方的博爱，大爱，在亚洲要逊色一点。这是文明的起点。

教育问题，永远是难题。

我看见北欧这边很多从南美，阿拉伯移民过来的难民，对待子女的教育，都没有中国父母对待子女的教育的重视和强硬态度。

北欧的教育，特别是小学的教育，令有些中国移民的小孩特别高兴，没有家庭作业，不明其中道理的家长也跟着乐呵呵的，殊不知道，这样的愉快教育，学校把教育退回给家庭，结果是龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠生儿会打洞的现象。

人要成才，肯定都得经历艰辛，白人家庭也一样，要求完美的严格家教也不少。

亚洲和美国的文化是完全不同的两极，正是这种不分青红皂白的把有些不能同化的亚洲移民混为一谈加上构思上夸张形成了有关亚裔父母的偏见。有些这种偏见甚至是彻底的侮辱性质的， 比如说亚洲人小气，亚洲人都是疯狂的司机，亚洲人每天吃饺子和炒饭。事实上，我能想到的这些成见中只有不到半数是比较积极正面的，其中一点那就是亚洲人比较聪明。

－－原来如此！

－－两种文化的融合如此艰难！

－－解决的办法是充分认识彼此的长处！

－－时间！中国需要时间，美国需要时间！

抱峰兄，看原文，In fact, the only half-positive stereotype I can think of is that Asians are generally smart。 并不是说所有评论里一半的评论是正面的，而是“我唯一能想起来有一半赞扬的评论是亚洲人一般都很聪明”。  就这一条评论是正面的，还是一半正面一半揶揄取笑。 其他全是负面的。 我感觉这是原文的意思。

牧童妹妹说的是，我也觉得原先翻得不妥，求证了儿子，改过来了。 谢谢。

谢谢海云。 没看见是从你的译文节选过来的。

改成：事实上，我能想到的这些成见中只有一条中的一半算是积极正面的那就是亚洲人比较聪明。

是不是好一点儿？

Perfect! 海云，你儿子的文笔非常好， 行文用词都漂亮！  你翻译的也好。 谢谢你，让大家看到另外一个视角。 辛苦了！  是不是该给儿子发小红花奖金啦？

正是这个小红花栏目设有稿酬，他才肯动一动他的懒笔头！你说我多划算，二十块钱就可以让他自愿动也不动写个半天，请个家教也不是这个价！而且还知道他内心的真实想法，我怎么评论他都谦虚接受,又给妹妹做了一个好榜样.....一箭好多雕哎！：）

亚裔父母需要一种公平的待遇，当然还需要不断地努力，有思想的儿子对此问题的思考，代表了亚裔后代对父母的理解。

咱也别就对着海云，人家孩子写了半天也怪不容易的，咱过去写几句鼓励的话吧。

转一个万维网的精彩评论：

海云，看你儿子多好啊，英文版那边回复我留言，感动的我都要落泪了！

他就自己这点还算好，我对他说有阿姨评论他的文章（你的和椰子的），你的英文写的，他马上就回复了。椰子的是中文写的，他认真听我读完，说他会写一篇回复。让我们拭目以待，看他如何回复椰子-一位美国大学社会学教授的问题？

孩子的分析很有道理，也很有深度。

亚裔的确是比老美push孩子多一点，但我认识的家长中几乎都没有让孩子拼命学习。我们注重孩子的教育，但和被人误解为逼孩子学习是两回事。有逼孩子学习的亚裔家长，可美国人也不例外。

椰子，这里是我儿子的回复。（我大致把你的评论读了一遍给他听，他不一定全明白，但是我问他懂没懂椰子阿姨的意思，他说懂了。昨天他有数学考试，今天参加了一天的辩论赛，中午休息的空档写了这段回复，发给我，让我翻成中文回复你，并谢谢你！他知道你在大学教社会学，非常开心大学教授能给他一个高中生的一篇普通作文如此认真的评论。）

Thank you so much for this response. I am honored to have my amateur essay reviewed by a college professor.

I do concede that my “wisdom,” if one can even call it that, is limited to my not even 17 years in existence. My views and perspectives are thus potentially skewed and wholly incomplete, and I hope that my writing has not given the impression that I hold myself in higher esteem than I actually do. My words on Asian stereotypes are merely what I have observed in the severely limited environments of my school and neighborhood.

My mom has also brought up with me the appearance that I ultimately claim that Asian and American cultures cannot mix. As of now, I don’t quite remember exactly what I wrote in the concluding paragraph, but I did not intend to imply that Asian and American cultures are completely irreconcilable. I had hoped to point out that the specific cultural aspect, the so-called “Asian method of discipline” that is characterized by violent means of administering punishment and unreasonably high academic expectations, does not bode well in American society where in some cases it can even be considered a form of child abuse.

I guess my writing isn’t as clear and concise as it could be (oh the joy of learning). Once again, thank you for taking the time to respond and lending me a new pair of rose-colored glasses with which to view the world. 

中译文：

非常感谢你的评论。我很荣幸我不成熟的习作被大学里的教授审习。

我承认我的“智慧，”如果可以称之为此，在我还不到十七年的生命里是有限的。我的观念和看法也因而是不够全面甚至可能是扭曲的。我希望我的习作没有给人印象我在保持比实际上拥有的还要多的自尊。我所描述的有关对亚裔偏见的文字，仅仅是我在我的学校和邻里极为有限的环境中观察的结果。

我妈妈也和我讨论了我的文章给读者的印象，那就是我最终声称亚裔文化和美国文化史是势不两立不能混淆的。我不太记得我在最后一段的具体用词，但我并非暗示，亚裔文化和美国文化是完全不可调和的。我希望指出的是，在特定的文化方面，所谓的“亚裔的惩罚手段”的特点是通过暴力（或体罚）手段以达到家长们不合理的高学历期望，那并不是一个好兆头，在美国社会里，在某些情况下，它甚至被认为是虐待儿童的形式。

我想我的习作是不够那么清晰和简洁，（但这正是我学习的快乐所在）。再次感谢您抽出时间来应对，衷心感谢您借给我一付新的玫瑰色的眼镜来看待这个世界。
 

很有意义的讨论，你儿子很有自己的观点，他们通过自己的观察写出对事情的看法，引起大家的关注和讨论，这本身就很很有意义了！

椰子的回复：Hi,Hai Yun's son,
I really enjoy your conversation with me.I appreciate your careful statement based on facts and observations of your real world.The phenomena you analyzed in your essay concerns me too,as I am also a first generation Chinese parent.I always believe the most important thing between a mother and her child is the ability to listen to each other.I can hear your heart. I agree with you that we really need to self-examine how we as parents are treating our children in America. What is the expectation we have of our children,and how this expectation is subtly shaped by the original parenting culture which shaping who we are back in China.

What I mainly like to point out in my first comment to your essay on your mom's blog,is American mainstream society actually attributes the success of Asian American (Chinese and Japanese mainly) to their culture,which emphasizes hard work,work ethic and pursuing higher education.In other words,Asian cultures are quite matching with American's Protestant traditional culture.

Why do Asian American parents emphasize good grades so much? Besides the habitual high expectation on education,I believe something has to do with Asians know that they don't look like mainstream people and therefore, they are not easily accepted by the mainstream,so extra hard work seems necessary and unavoidable.But the sad truth is,they are still seen and treated as a "model minority." (minority means people are subject to prejudice and discrimination,just like other minority groups). There are too much to say in regarding to this dimension,I think later on if you are interested in reading more sociological discussions on racial and ethnic issues,you will kind of get what I really mean, right now this is a over heavy topic for you.

It is tough to think how to be a second generation Chinese American.I think it depends on this generation of people, stand on their own feet,integrating their original cultural roots into this land (America) and actively contribute to the land's important agendas.

Thank you very much for writing this essay.It makes me think a lot! I am sure you will have a very bright future as your essay has proven your brilliance for us.

 

中国和美国的两种主流文化在很多方面是冲突的。我们和孩子之间往往因为这种冲突而冲突。很难说谁对谁错。站在美国主流的立场上看，我们就可能是错的。相反，站在中国主流文化的角度看，我们很可能没有错。错在这里是美国！

当然，每一种文化都有它们的问题。如果能把它们好的地方吸收过来，就很好了。但是，大多数情况下，一方总是在指责对方有问题。

我发现，亚裔小孩很会两头争取好处，一反面要父母像中国父母那样付出，另一反面，要他们的父母像美国父母那样宽松。

你的儿子很有主见，有很多很好的看法，难能可贵呀！