感情银行
融融
人们把夫妻关系比做爱情银行，两人相恋时，眼睛瞎了一样，只看见对方的优点，被称为迷恋。迷恋时最富裕，银行里的存款（Deposit）越积越多，积到“百万富翁”时，便挽手走进教堂，好像一辈子也用不完。没想到，结婚以后，擦亮火眼金睛，把对方的缺点，短处，差异，一天比一天看得透彻。银行里的存款因此缩水，缩到透支了还不明白。于是，晴天霹雳，后悔莫及，各奔东西。很多人在这样的漩涡了转了一圈又一圈，总是破产失败，因为没有感情银行的概念。
夫妻如此，家长和孩子，兄弟和姐妹，亲朋好友都一样。人际关系就是一个感情银行。存得多，皆大欢喜；存得少，整天小心翼翼；破产以后痛哭流涕。感情银行说起来容易，做起来也非常容易，只是要记得时时放在心里。不信，让我们试验一下。比如，
说声“谢谢”，存一元。
一个微笑，存二元。
一天笑十次，存了二十元。
表扬对方，十元。拥抱二十元。
赠送礼物，乘以物价的十倍。
反过来，拉长脸，扣除五元。
不理不睬，扣十元。发脾气，
扣除二十元。讽刺讥笑，扣除三十元。
骂人扣五十元。打人扣一百元。
每天晚上估算一下，今天存多少，支多少。
如果微笑了十次，只要发一次脾气就把十次微笑的存款全部用尽。如果有两个孩子，表扬他们一天两次就是存了四十元。加上出门拥抱，回家拥抱，上床之前拥抱，这一天，你起码存了一百八十元。如果孩子做错事，批评之后（取款），原谅他（存款），就能打平。这笔账不能不算，尤其夫妻之间，只能积余，不能亏损。万一发现收支不平，赶快亲热亲热，多说几句“我爱你”，买鲜花，送礼物，道歉忏悔等，能把失去的损失或多或少补回来。
The Love Bank
People have said that the relationship of marriage is like a love bank. When they first meet they only see the good things about each other. Their view if filtered by their feelings for each other. This is called infatuation. This misleads them to believe that they have millions in their love bank.
When they get married they think they have endless resources to spend from the love bank. They didn’t know that after marriage their eyes will become clear and they will look at each other in different ways. They start to make withdrawals from the love bank. When they mistreat each other or say nasty things they are making withdrawals. As time goes on, after making withdrawal after withdrawal their love bank becomes empty – they are bankrupt. They stopped making deposits in the love bank and didn’t see that the withdrawals were emptying their account until one day they wake up and see that they are bankrupt – but it is too late. Many people fall into this trap – a whirlpool. Fall in love, marry and then divorce – repeat - because they don’t have the concept of a love bank.
The love bank is not just for marriage, it’s also for all kinds of human relationships. Parents and children, siblings, friends – there is a love bank for any relationship. The more you deposit the happier you are the less you deposit your relationship gets less stable. When you stop making deposits and your withdrawals empty the love bank then your relationship becomes miserable. The love bank is easy to describe and it is easy to do if you remember it in your heart all the time. Believe it? Let’s try.
For example – say one thank-you deposit one dollar. One smile, deposit two dollars. You smile ten times a day and you have twenty dollars in your love bank. You praise the other person you deposit ten dollars, a hug is worth twenty dollars, giving a gift is worth ten times the price tag! On the other hand a frown on your face – minus five dollars. A sour puss – ten dollars. Lost temper minus twenty dollars. Putting them down and having a nasty attitude, minus 30 dollars. Swearing at the other person – minus 50 dollars and fighting minus 100 dollars.
Let’s count it all up every night – how much we deposited and how much we withdrew today. If you smile ten times it will be wiped out by one lost temper. If you have two children and praise them twice a day that’s a forty dollar deposit. A hug when they leave home, a hug when they return and a hug before they go to sleep amounts to a total of one hundred eighty. If the kids make any mistakes that day and are criticized by the parents (withdrawal) but if the parents forgive them (deposit) it’s even – the withdrawal is balanced by the deposit.
We have to know how much is in our love bank all the time, especially in a marriage. We have to make more deposits than withdrawals. If the deposits decrease you have to show your passion immediately and say I love you, I love you I love you – buy flowers, gifts, apologize etc. to balance out what you have lost.
| 融融 (2012-03-22 16:47:51) |
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这是我在《星岛日报》副刊专栏的短文，同时刊登在《厦门日报》的跨国婚姻双语专栏。今天贴此文，是因为还要继续写下去。昨晚看电影《Fireproof》，看得眼泪稀里哗啦地流，其中讲到丈夫为了挽救婚姻，买鲜花，做家务，浪漫晚餐等等，但是，妻子仍旧不为所动。这个男人是按照婚姻指导书《40天》一天一天去做的，做到二十天，他已经受不了了。正在他想放弃的时候，父亲告诉他，所有你做的都没错，唯一缺乏的是你心里恐怕并没有爱。那么什么才是爱呢？他要寻找。推荐大家都看看。 |
| 西伶 (2012-03-22 17:27:06) |
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学习中！！回头找下fireproof看下，谢谢融融推荐！ |
| 红花 (2012-03-22 18:04:40) |
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人际关系就是一个感情银行。存得多，皆大欢喜；存得少，整天小心翼翼；破产以后痛哭流涕。 这些话值得学习。我也需要找这部电影来看。谢谢。 |
| 朵朵妈 (2012-03-22 23:35:53) |
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很好的文章，受益！ |
| 天地一弘 (2012-03-23 00:45:19) |
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心中有爱，也许感情的银行就会有越来越多地存款，找寻心中的爱。 |
| 纽约站 (2012-03-23 02:22:17) |
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新意,值得一读!居然还能够来个英文版,佩服! |
| 放下 (2012-03-23 20:43:31) |
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说声“谢谢”，存一元。 一个微笑，存二元。 一天笑十次，存了二十元。 表扬对方，十元。拥抱二十元。 赠送礼物，乘以物价的十倍。 。。。。。。
好像漏掉一个最大的奖（也许是故意的 ：－） ）：一天做爱一次， 一百元；一天做两次，五倍， 。。。。。。 |
| 抱峰 (2012-03-23 22:20:45) |
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拍案叫绝！ 如此精道的比喻！ 如此有趣的生发！ －－由衷地赞叹。从水这边。 （可否有附加：真情与假情－－首先自我感觉－－赏罚倍加） －－今晨本想改那小说，竟在这里看风景，误车了。（有一篇女人写爱的文字也精彩，她新出现在首页右上方） |
| 融融 (2012-03-23 22:21:13) |
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有朋友觉得这样写，很俗气。爱怎么能够用钱来衡量？但是，对于世俗社会的有些人，你说他没有爱他不在乎，说他银行要破产了，就会引起重视。所谓银行只是一个比喻而已，大家都知道。爱的源泉不在人而在神。 |